美国哈佛优秀ESSAY之母爱篇 母亲你是对的

脸贴着冰凉的玻璃窗，凝视着横躺在公路上的车道线，发呆。这就是我现在的状态。突然一个熟悉的声音打破了这一状态，是母亲。我赶忙把头从车窗内探出来。

“论文写完了吗？”母亲问道。

当你要举杯庆祝的时候，总有人在为你烹饪。这句话可以理解为：当你准备好做一件事情的时候，总是会有意想不到的事情发生。举个例子：如果我们全家在早餐时举杯感恩的时候，母亲总是在厨房烹饪（她永远扮演着为大家服务的角色）。

也许这就是母亲的职责，照顾好家里的每一位成员。母亲督促哥哥完成家庭作业；每天要为父亲烹饪最可口的饭菜；还有照顾我的重任。

在回归宿营地的途中，冷空气敲击着脸颊。经过18个小时的全方位多功能装车，我早已精疲力竭。当太阳升起的时候，我看到丝毫不觉疲倦的母亲正在把最后一批蛋卷放进滚烫的油锅。

语言沟通障碍使得我和母亲在相处过程中显得比较多变。因为母亲不太会说英语，所以经常会闹一些笑话着实让我困惑不已。虽然我汉语相当好，但我的词汇仅仅局限在口语化的描述，无法深入沟通。

举个例子吧：我在跟母亲解释我学过的一种汉语上很少运用的写作手法“讽刺”（sarcasm）。在我们激烈的辩论为什么我不应该加班加点完成学校校报的时候，我巧妙的运用了它。

“我工作这么晚是因为这些内容实在是太棒了。”我会这么跟母亲说。

“那么，你更不应该这样做，不是吗？”母亲会这样回应我。

在我拉上最后一个睡袋的拉锁时，我感受到了清晨羞涩的阳光。同行的队友都出发了。当我把宿营箱递交后我闭上眼睛，想象着自己躺在绿油油的草地上惬意熟睡的一幕。母亲一把夺过了拎在我手中装有宿营用的毯子、饮料、椅子等的箱子，告诉我等车就好。

我和妈妈对一种词汇都再熟悉不过了，“癌症”。母亲的妹妹近期刚查出患上癌症，而母亲的哥哥在我还没出生时就因为癌症早早离世。她深刻得体会到了生命的珍贵以及时间的可贵性。所以她甘愿年复一年的义务作为我们学校的“生命中转站”。她每天在学校门口摆摊卖鸡蛋卷，帮我们节省每一分钱。一天之计在于晨，母亲总是早早的把我们拽起，不要荒废一天中最好的时光。

我开始珍视母亲的慈爱，学着去了解她。她让我知道了工作的价值。她告诉我呵护关爱的真正意义所在。更重要的是，她教会我如何成为这样的人。我愿意将母亲为我所做的一切倾注于全世界。

我呆呆的看着她。校车载着我，她的身影慢慢的缩小成为一个黑点，然后消失……

“我想说你非要赶在回来前写完论文吗？你现在不应该太累，不是吗？”母亲问道。

我凝视着她，无比的轻松，脸上泛出了丝丝笑意。

“我这样做对吗？”她问，“就是那样吧？”

我闭上眼睛，终于明白了。

是的，母亲，你是对的，你是对的。

ESSAY赏析

“对你影响最深的人”（可以是家庭成员）这种题材很有风险，只要写好了意义重大。这种题材的文章要想出彩很简单——真实。不要把生活当中的人物神化或夸大化。对应这篇文章的成功之处在于作者没有刻意隐藏两代人之间的代沟问题并真实的刻画出了母亲的形象。

切记：面对每天要看无数篇ESSAY且工作性质极其乏味的招生官而言，没有必要刻意的在文章结构中特立独行，这是存在一定风险的。全文中间部分大部分是在说自己和母亲之间的紧张关系，但缺乏过渡衔接的部分。尽管举例说明能够帮助读者更加深入的了解人物关系链，但你一定要确保读者的思维可以跟着你瞬间的跳跃。

全文的优势在于真实感人。虽然在生活上和言语的沟通上存在一些问题，但从母亲身上仍然可以学到很多东西，并且作者能够开始了解到与母亲之间的关系，非常好。

—June Wu

ESSAY全文鉴赏

(46)XI YU—“MOTHER”

My cheek pressed against the cold glass. I allowed my eyes to lose focus as I lazily watched the white line delineating the road run past.

My mother’s voice broke the trance. I jerked from the passenger window.

“Have you finished the paper yet?” she asked.

Whenever you make toast, some slices burn more than others. If my family did eat toast for breakfast, Mother would always have the burnt one.

Perhaps it is the mother’s job to care for everyone in the home. Mother nags my brother to do his schoolwork. My father enjoys her cooking after a long day. Mother supports most of my endeavors.

The chill air tickles my damp face as I trudge back to our team campsite. After eighteen hours of lapping the track to fund the cure, I am exhausted. I squint against the rising sun to watch my mother, in her tirelessness, drop the last batch of egg rolls into the sizzling oil.

The language barrier between Mother and me is enough to create our occasional vicissitudes. It frustrates me when she creates confusion since she cannot speak English well. Although I am fluent in Chinese, my vocabulary is limited to colloquial discourse, unusable for intellectual thought.

Such is the case when I try to explain sarcasm to Mother, a device, which I have learned, the Chinese rarely use. In our heated confrontations over why I should not be staying up so late to work on the school newspaper, I use it lavishly.

“I stay up late because the pages are so perfect, Mom,” I would say to her in defiance.

“Well, then you shouldn’t need to, right?” she would reply.

I feel the sun’s shy warmth as I zip up the last sleeping bag. All my team members have left. I turn in my Team Captain’s box as my eyes close; I feel I can instantaneously fall to the grass and sleep. My mother pushes the dolly containing the propane tank, tents, cooler, and chairs from my hands, and tells me to wait in the car.

I have learned that cancer is a language that both Mother and I can understand. Her sister was recently touched by cancer, and her brother died from it before I was born. Hence, she willingly chaperones the hardest shift every year at our school’s Relay For Life. She is the one who stays at our booth to sell the egg rolls, helping us raise money. In the morning, when energy is at its worst, Mother pushes us to move out before we collapse.

I only begin to appreciate Mother’s kindness, and I must learn to understand her. She has taught me the value of hard work, and she has taught me what it means to care. More importantly, she has taught me how to be. I hope to do for the world what Mother has done for me.

I looked at her, startled. The school track disappeared from my peripheral.

“I mean, aren’t you going to finish the paper once we get home? You can’t possibly be tired now, right?” my mother asked.

I stared at her, then relaxed, and smiled to myself.

“Did I do it right?” she asked. “Was that it?”

I closed my eyes. I understood.

Yes, Mother, you did. You did.

COMMENTARY

Writing about a family member who has had a significant impact on your life can be a risky move, as you can expect countless application essays on this topic, but when done well, it can be very memorable. The key to a successful essay is to keep it real—don’t turn your role model into a martyr, don’t present the relationship as flawless and overbearingly positive. This essay succeeds in that it does not attempt to hide the points of tension bound to come up in any parent-child relationship, while painting a realistic portrait of the author’s mother.

It is not necessary to structure your college application essay in a unique way, and you run a risk of confusing admissions officers, who will already have skimmed countless essays before picking up yours. The middle section of this essay features numerous snippets into the author’s relationship with her mother, but the lack of transitions contributes to a somewhat scattered section. Although providing examples can help the reader better understand the relationship, make sure that the reader can follow you every time you jump to different flashbacks.

The essay’s strength lies in its honest voice, as the author recognizes that despite her grievances, there is much to appreciate in her mother. Underneath the occasional nagging and stilted English, there is much to learn from her mother, and the author recognizes that she has only begun to understand her relationship.

—June Wu

参考资料：50 Successful Harvard Application Essays third Edition